Today has not been a good day: Anxiety and fear of the future

I’ve always aimed to keep this blog as honest as possible, so I am not writing this post in order to gain likes or shares, I am writing this so I can show what it is like to live with anxiety. I find writing down my thoughts and feelings is a great type of therapy that anyone can do and is something that has helped me in the post, this time however I thought I would hit ‘publish.’

Today, I may have seem happy to my colleagues, to my family members, and to the shop keeper when I was buying some snacks for lunch. But inside, I have been a mixture of emotions all centring around fear. For the last couple of weeks, I have felt I have been on auto-pilot. I will laugh at someone’s joke, I will sound shocked at a piece of gossip, but really, I feel somewhat emotionless. I have tried my usual coping techniques, but this feeling will not go away. It’s getting to the point now where I just can’t remember the last time I was generally happy, and that is petrifying.

I am simply scared, scared for the future. It is a difficult time at the moment for reasons I don’t feel ready to talk about online just yet. I almost want to get to the other side before telling my blog about my situation, just so I have the survivor perspective. I have reached out to my friends, family and colleagues so I am doing the best thing and communicating with people, but still that feeling remains that I do not want to worry those around me. But, I have support and for that I am grateful.

The main thing that scares me is that I will not get to where I want to be in life. I am old fashioned in the sense that I want a house, kids, and a family unit, much like the one I was raised in. But before I can move on to starting a family, I need to move out. I don’t need to tell you how difficult that is in London. I am pulling my hair out worried that I will never get there. I feel sick, like everything I have achieved up to now just doesn’t matter. I feel like a failure purely because I cannot afford to move out right this second. And it’s not like I am unhappy at home, I just have itchy feet and want to move onto the next part of my life, something I am petrified will not happen until I am much older.

Others seem to do it with ease, go about their day to day without worry. I am literally worrying about my worry. I can see how irrational I am being with myself. I know I am 23, I know everyone else isn’t perfect and are more than likely going through similar things to myself. I should be enjoying my life as it is now. I guarantee that once I have achieved everything I want, as one day it will happen, I won’t be able to take a step back and appreciate all that I have done. I will be straight onto the next thing. I have achieved so much in my life which I constantly belittle. I graduated from University and passed my driving tests, things that I think ‘so what?’ 6 years ago I would be looking at these achievements amazed that I was able to do them. So why can’t I appreciate these achievements now they are in the past?

I need to focus on the future, yes, but I do not need to worry about it to the extent that I am. I need to be kinder to myself. It’s okay that I am feeling this way, it really is. But why waste my time not enjoying my life as it is right now? I suppose it all just comes down to perspective.

I promise regular, cheerful content will commence in my next post! 🙂

6 thoughts on “Today has not been a good day: Anxiety and fear of the future

  1. The best advice I can give you is to enjoy the moment and don’t worry about the future. I loved out at 18, and while on the surface everything looked great, I went way too early and could barely afford to live. I ended up working so much overtime I ended up burning out. Enjoy the time you have living at home, because had I got in with my parents better I’d have stayed much longer!

    I hope getting everything written down has helped 🙂

    Em x

    http://Www.emsworldblog.com

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for the advice. I’m lucky that I’m close to my parents, but it’s just the urge to get to the next part of my life. Will deffo try and enjoy my time more. I hope everything worked out okay for you! X

      Like

  2. I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling at the minute. It’s so easy to get swept away with worries about the future, almost because it’s so unknown. When I’m feeling worried, I really try to focus on the present – what will be will be, and it will all work out eventually! I hope this helps – I have written a few blog posts which I think you might like so feel free to have a look and I hope they help! You have a great blog, keep smiling because you are doing great! X

    Like

    1. You have no idea how much your comment means! Thank you so much! I’ve been considering giving the blog up as I feel it isn’t going anywhere, but your comment has given me that push to go on! I’ve just followed your blog and I’m looking forward to having a read when I get home. Thank you so much x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re so, so welcome! I’m so glad I’ve helped! Don’t give up, you are doing great. Your blog will grow (I’ve felt the same too before), but it just takes patience and persistence, please don’t knock yourself down! Have a lovely rest of your day! X

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s